I have always felt proud of our son Simon. Proud of the way he charms people. Proud of the way he wakes up each day ready to go, go, go!

It may sound politically incorrect, but I also feel proud of his “ethnicity” and the way it makes our family special. And although it sounds cheesy, I’ve always thought that adoption has made our family just a little more like God’s family and I’m grateful for that. Now that I’m recovering from the shock and fear of today’s news, I’m feeling that familiar sense of pride and gratitude that God has chosen us to care for this special child, Ramona Mae.

Of course I’m worried about what this might mean for Ramona. The struggles she has ahead of her. The pain she may feel. The failures she may suffer. But doesn’t every parent have to watch their child encounter the weaknesses and challenges that we’re all born with? I’m trying to keep it in perspective. Neither of our children asked to come into our custody, we invited them into our lives with our prayers and our actions, and now it is our responsibility to unconditionally care for them no matter what.

After Ramona’s birth several people asked me if I had regrets that she was born via c-section in a hospital instead of at home as we had planned. I thought that was a flawed comparison. Because of the way labor began, that was never a choice for us. Our choices were c-section or the possible harm or death of one or both of us. I felt given those two choices, I was glad that we had access to the wonders of medicine that preserved both our lives.

As I was mourning today the loss of some of my ideas and expectations of our future with Ramona, I realized that the same concept applies. My hopes for Ramona’s future were never set in stone or promised by God. My choice now is care for Ramona and rejoice in who she is today, or don’t. How could I choose anything else?

Sound like I’m trying to talk myself into this? Maybe a little. But it does help to think about it this way. To try and acknowledge the honor anyone entrusted with a child is given, to accept that we do not control our children’s destinies and to trust that only God can fulfill his promise to Ramona, and we just don’t know what that promise is yet.

Pray for peace in our home tomorrow, that it will be a safe haven for Ramona as she rests and heals,