As Simon approaches his second birthday, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to talk to him about adoption. I know he’s too little to fully understand that the way he came into our family differs from most other children. But I wonder what’s going on in his cute little head. I wonder if he “remembers” being separated from his birth mother. I wonder if on some deep level he feels that loss.

Andy and I have always agreed that Simon’s adoption will not be a secret. Any information we have about his bio-family and birth story will be available to him should he so desire. But do we wait until he asks? Would he know to ask, even if he had questions? Do we just sit him down and tell him all the answers to the questions we think he might have?

And what about quantity vs. quality? Do I just mention it casually in conversation a lot, let him know I think it’s no big deal? That might diminish any loss he’s feeling or make him feel like it’s not okay to express serious thoughts or feelings about it. Or do I wait for a private moment and tell him quietly and carefully? Maybe that would make him feel like it’s something to be secretive or embarrassed about, something that is so different and noteworthy it is to be discussed only on special occasions.

It’s probably somewhere in the middle. It probably will take time to determine what’s best. We’ll probably make some mistakes along the way. It seems like, as usual, the answers to life’s big questions like this are usually pretty unsatisfying.

With Ramona I’ve come to accept that there have and will continue to be battles she will have to fight. We can help and support her but when the time comes to roll through those double doors to surgery, she has to go on alone. Today I was thinking about Simon and realized that he went through those proverbial double doors before we ever met him, on the first day he was born. I just broke down and cried.

I wish I could change those first three days of his life. I wish I could have carried him in my body for 9 months, been the first person to look into his eyes and been able to nurse him. Instead, I’ve decided I will try and help carry any pain or loss he feels. I’ll try to always look him in the eye and listen when he needs to talk. And I’ll try to nurture him with all the love and compassion he can take.

My prayer today is that Simon will feel loved and safe enough to work through any feelings of loss he has regarding his adoption. I pray that I will be strong enough to accept his feelings and not try to gloss them over with handy platitudes. I pray that he will know how loved and wanted he is, by us and by God.

I know I can’t be the only one who has something they wish they could *poof* take away for someone. How do you cope? How do you pray?

Thanks for listening, Jane.

Here’s the little guy getting in some snow day fun…