We are all sick, again. Some random virus whose symptoms include fever, vomiting, runny nose and rash. This makes six straight weeks of someone in our house being sick. I have to tell you, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Having someone forcefully vomit blueberries and ground turkey all over you is not good for morale.

When I was a kid I was always losing things, forgetting my homework, neglecting my chores. Through the many reminders to be more mindful, be more disciplined and more responsible I somehow got the message that I probably wouldn’t be able to cut it in the “real world”. I always felt that someone had to bail me out. I did manage to go to college, have an apartment with a roommate and hold down a job. But I have never lived alone and essentially went from my parent’s home into my marriage. I’ve done some free-spirited, amazing and fearless things. But always with someone waiting in the wings to pick up the pieces or come to my rescue.

Many years ago I was having dinner with Andy and some of the in-laws when my father-in-law asked each person what their most important goal in life was. Some mentioned career goals, some mentioned self-improvement. When it came to me I confessed that my highest goal was a pretty common one. I wanted to have children and keep a home and create the intact family that I did not have as a child. In light of everything that has happened, this has turned out to be one of the most memorable and meaningful pronouncements of my life. That profession has become my profession.

But I think the desire for an intact family was only part of the story. I am coming to realize that I also came into my adult life with a deep need to prove that I’m a grown-up. Marriage, house, kids. If it’s a big commitment, sign me up! So don’t get me wrong, this is what I wanted, what I prayed for: An opportunity to have a loving family and prove I can be an adult. And boy have my prayers been answered. These past two years I’ve had so many opportunities to step up that I feel like I’m on the Spiritual Stairmaster. So as our bucolic, doctor-free summer devolves into a 24-hour sick ward I’m wondering, “Could the buck stop somewhere else for a change?”

So I’m praying for patience and strength. I’m praying to wisely see that these obstacles are opportunities. I’m praying that these moments where my past and my purpose intersect are where I have a chance at redemption and healing. I’m praying that the persistence and discipline I’m practicing will make future trials just a little bit easier. And I’m praying for rest.

In other news: Ramona’s kidneys looked fine on her ultrasound. Her immune panel came back and she is not yet cleared for live vaccines. We need to complete a tetanus regimen and retest. Both kids will be seeing the pediatrician tomorrow to be evaluated for the virus they’ve got now.

Thanks for checking in and thanks for praying, Jane.