Mon 26 Feb 2007
The Unknown
Posted by Jane under Updates
[16] Comments
I have always felt proud of our son Simon. Proud of the way he charms people. Proud of the way he wakes up each day ready to go, go, go!
It may sound politically incorrect, but I also feel proud of his “ethnicity” and the way it makes our family special. And although it sounds cheesy, I’ve always thought that adoption has made our family just a little more like God’s family and I’m grateful for that. Now that I’m recovering from the shock and fear of today’s news, I’m feeling that familiar sense of pride and gratitude that God has chosen us to care for this special child, Ramona Mae.
Of course I’m worried about what this might mean for Ramona. The struggles she has ahead of her. The pain she may feel. The failures she may suffer. But doesn’t every parent have to watch their child encounter the weaknesses and challenges that we’re all born with? I’m trying to keep it in perspective. Neither of our children asked to come into our custody, we invited them into our lives with our prayers and our actions, and now it is our responsibility to unconditionally care for them no matter what.
After Ramona’s birth several people asked me if I had regrets that she was born via c-section in a hospital instead of at home as we had planned. I thought that was a flawed comparison. Because of the way labor began, that was never a choice for us. Our choices were c-section or the possible harm or death of one or both of us. I felt given those two choices, I was glad that we had access to the wonders of medicine that preserved both our lives.
As I was mourning today the loss of some of my ideas and expectations of our future with Ramona, I realized that the same concept applies. My hopes for Ramona’s future were never set in stone or promised by God. My choice now is care for Ramona and rejoice in who she is today, or don’t. How could I choose anything else?
Sound like I’m trying to talk myself into this? Maybe a little. But it does help to think about it this way. To try and acknowledge the honor anyone entrusted with a child is given, to accept that we do not control our children’s destinies and to trust that only God can fulfill his promise to Ramona, and we just don’t know what that promise is yet.
Pray for peace in our home tomorrow, that it will be a safe haven for Ramona as she rests and heals,
Jane
Dear Jane, Andy, Simon & Ramona,
God is glorified! Be sure that I sit night after night wonder how do I even pray or share the special place your story has my heart, that I know God’s strength by your faith, your courage, your love and the miracles God is showing each of us!
Steve and I pray for you and for miracles and for the angels God has blessed you with. May you find each moment a joy and each smile you share and each tear you shed, in that is the story of your family.
We love you and are praying daily for you and Ramona and the doctors and God’s great intervention.
We am honored to be a part of your family of friends. Victoria & Steve
Your post is so truefull. I was sad when my daughter had hip dysplasia, I creid then stepped up and took action telling myself it could be worse and I was lucky, then my daughter was in heart faluire, emegency surgery and I wished fr the day she only had hip dysplaisa. My advise is simple yet it can be so hard. take one day at a time, enjoy the moments with your children and always trust your instints. call the nurses if you feel worried and don’t blame yourself for things that you can not controll. no what ifs just love all your moments even the sleepless nights because we are so blessed to have our children keeping us up, draining us of our energy because somehow the next day comes and hopefully with each day they grow stronger and those tiny moments are hudge! you are doing a wonderful job careing for your daughter and it is ok to feel sad and scared about the future. almost every parent in your shoes would worry. you are doing a wonderful job your post has so much love and greatness in it. The feeding tubes are frustrating. try to get a speech therapist to help with feeding issues to help. have you had swallow studies? We will be keeping you all in our prayers.
wyndi and izzy
Jane,
Well said…
I love you all,
Toby
Deitrichs-
We have & will continue to pray for you daily. I can’t begin…..the wait & see sucks. I’ll say it. Someone said to me, not so long ago, “the future will come, no matter what it may hold. You need to deal with the here & now.” It’s true, but the unknowns can be so scary & consuming. Ramona is already a super star. I wonder where she gets it? She is so lucky to have this family of hers….we all are.
I am humbled by your stength. all our love & prayers,
Molly, Mike, Michael, & baby jane
you’re words are so true, jane. as you know, my brother suffered severe brain damage hours after his birth and was later discovered to be epileptic. his life has not been an easy one and I know parenting him has been difficult often … but my brother is one of the most beautiful people I know. he has affected me in ways no one else has or ever could. when he’s present, his words are pure, innocent, uninhibited … they are honest. what a gift! to know when he says something he means it, no expectations, no insecurities, just his heart. it’s something I aspire to. i believe it’s part of his purpose.
I am praying for you and your family always. I am praying for Ramona’s heart – knowing in one sense it fails her and in another it radiates in a room, outside a hospital, onto a webpage, in this room … it radiates.
one thing I know for sure … she is lucky to have you and andy and simon.
love,
anne
Jane & Andy,
I don’t know what to say, except that I am touched deeply by the depth of your love for Ramona and your reliance on God. You encouraged and convicted me as I think about parenting our kids. Deep is the only word that keeps coming to me.
blessings, shannon
We’re continuing to pray for you, Andy and the babies. I know Ramona will be glad to be out of the hospital and home with her brother (and mom and dad).
Jane,
I have been unable to comment today. Mostly out of a horrible lack of words that would help or confort or encourage you. I am thrilled that Ramona will go home tomorrow and so very sad at todays news. I cried out to God a lot today for so many thing for you all.
You have been so honest and faith filled in your processing of all this.
I so look forward to seeing your whole family together soon. You are all amazing.
Praying and Loving you as best we can,
Jen
Jane, I am completely overwhelmed and inspired as a mother by you. I pray that I never forget to celebrate my children as you do yours and that I am able to recognize and live up to the incredible privilege it is to have been entrusted by God with their care.
Ramona is never far from my thoughts (I’m sort of cyber-stalking her, truth be told). I am praying for her daily and will continue to do so.
Dina
I know that if we are all computer literate enough to be on Ramona’s site, we all know how to use Google, but I do want to share a site I found with info about 22q11 deletion. I especially like the very concise description of what our chromosome and genes are like and what deletion is, and why this condition has this sort of mthematical sounding name. The news is presented in a mostly hopeful way, as it is the site of a foundation started by parents of children with the condition in order to offer awareness and support.
http://www.22q.org/moreinfo1.html
Jane,
I also have been struggling on what to say – the thought that keeps recurring to me is that no matter what happens, through the good days and the bad days, is the fact that Ramona is surrounded by security and love from you and Andy. And the rest of us are surrounding your family with all our love and prayers.
Love, Kim
YES!!!!!
This is the faith that will hedge all of you in….trusting the HE knows what He is doing even when it seems dark.
Good girl, Jane.
love,
AJackie
Your strength inspires us all.
You and Andy are amazing guardians of God’s precious gifts, Ramona and Simon. He had to pick two people who he knew would cherish and unconditionally love those two wonderful children. And he picked right.
Jane and Andy,
Your strength is inspiring, I agree! Am praying today for a smooth transition home for sweet little Ramona and am so thankful you all get to be together in your home again.
Love, Val
Jane,
This may sound strange. But I think in ways you are very “lucky”. You will be blessed in ways that others will never be. Children who have challanges doing things others take for granted give us so much more to celebrate and they open our eyes to a world that others pass on by. That being said, there is also more pain, yet through the pain comes the joy. And I too think you have a very special family. People who adopt are gifted by God with a great heart and mine goes to you and your family. I pray that God’s strenght will over power you today and that you can just rest in his arms as you make the changes you need to make for your family to be happy, comfortable and full of peace.
blessings,
katrina