Thu 8 Mar 2007
Half Empty
Posted by Jane under Updates
[13] Comments
You may have noticed from my last post, I’m not feeling very inspirational lately. In fact I feel awful lately. A few people have asked if I’m sure I understand Ramona’s prognosis clearly. I do I think. I’ve gotten clarification from every cardiologist, nurse practitioner, nurse and doctor I can get my hands on.
Which is not to say that they don’t all express the same information in slightly different ways. One person may say, “She has no more surgical options and everything we are doing for her here you can do for her at home”. Another may say, “We don’t know if Ramona can grow those arteries, you should have her home with you and enjoy your time with her”. But I think I have the facts straight. Ramona’s only chance at a long-term future is to grow her arteries so she can qualify for the next surgery. We can make her comfortable, feed her well and love her, but the rest is up to her. She can’t stay at the hospital long-term. That would put her at an increased risk of infection and not allow her to grow and thrive like she may be able to do in a home setting.
Someone made the comment that it sounded “dire”. It is pretty dire. They have done so much for her, saved her life, stabilized her, but they are out of options for now. I think maybe in my attempt to be hopeful I haven’t made it clear how serious Ramona’s situation is.
But it may be also that I’m not feeling very hopeful today. I don’t know how else to say it but I feel poisoned with worry and dread. My body feels weak and sick, my mind is restless and spinning and my heart feels icy and dark. I’m hoping that when we get Ramona home today, we will see that there will be joy in this time together.
Thank you for all your thoughts and ideas, we appreciate it so much,
Jane
As the saying goes, “its all in Gods hands” and sometimes-its just so very hard to let go and let God. Please know that I will be praying for your family continuously…For whatever plan God has for Ramona, that it is a peaceful one. ((hugs))
It does sound dire and it definitely sucks. We’re with you, as best as we know how to be. We love you guys. Uncle T.
jane, i’ve got the mi sheiberach prayer (that i sent some posts ago) for health & healing on continuous play at work today for ramona and family.
breathe………… sarah p
It is a really crappy feeling to have no control, especially when the stakes are as high as this. But if you are going to trust anyone with Ramona’s life, God and Ramona herself seem like two really good options. That Ramona is a tough cookie.
Dear jane and andy-
As karen said in an earlier post, it’s easy for us in bloggerland to experience an amount of distance in this whole thing…you guys are swimming in this pool all the time. I can only hope and pray that we, as your community, can keep our hands extended to you to grab when it feels like the water is too deep and threatens to cover your heads.
We can only offer respite though, we cannot take the pool away or empty it of water, we cannot pull you out, only up long enough for you to take a breath and gain some strength for the swim ahead.
You are all so very loved by us. Thanks for sharing your sweetie girl and allowing us to walk with you in this. Let your community “do for you” (as my grandmother would say) as much as we possibly can.
-ang
I’m sorry you are feeling so low Jane – understandably of course. When you have a moment, remember to unclench your teeth, relax that crevice wrinkle between your eyebrows, let your mouth and shoulders go slack, and get some deep breaths into your belly.
“Hoping against hope Abraham believed that he would be the father of many nations.” Romans 4:18
I think that hope is in some ways part of our nature and I dont think that hoping when things are dire and beyond our control is a bad thing.
We realize that you are walking an extremely difficult road right now. But we continue to HOPE with you. We hope that where the Drs. say we cant God reaches in and says I CAN. Our hope is truly in the Lord.
We wait and hope with you today.
Love to you,
Nicole
Thank you for your honesty Jane. As you’ve done, let us as your community continue to hold you up and love you guys, and hope for you in this season. You have your hands more than full right now. Love you.
Val
No one person is big enough for all the feelings this situation requires, and certainly there is no obligation for you to be “inspirational.” We love you.
Oh Jane, I don’t even know you and my heart breaks for you. I just wanted to tell you that I too have felt this bitter disappointment and desperation. Here is something that I wrote to our family and friends when our son was in the hospital.
“Yesterday we also found out that he is not coming home as soon as we had expected or hoped. I really honestly thought it would only be a couple more days, but I was wrong. I guess no one told me he would be coming home soon, but no one told me he wouldn’t either. They said he was going to UCD to eat and grow and I thought, well he’s certainly growing. He’s gained 12 ounces since we’ve been here. I thought we were only waiting for the results of the swallow study and that once we had those we’d be on our way, even if it meant feeding him from the tube at home. So I am sorry that I mislead all of you. I guess babies who have this type of surgery take a long time to recover. We are looking at another 3 to 6 weeks.
Even though it’s a lot longer than I wanted or expected I’m glad someone finally gave me a number. I feel like I can get through it if I know what to expect. And now I know a little bit more. Personally, I was really disappointed by this news and I feel stupid for even thinking we were getting close. I am mad that I am only halfway through this horrible process. I feel weak and like I can’t spend everyday in the hospital any more. But I love my little baby and I can only see him in the hospital so I WILL do it. I just wish I could take a vacation from my life. But I guess that is being a parent. You can’t take a vacation. You just have to do what is best for your kid, and for us that means spending 3 months of our lives in the hospital.
Sorry if this is depressing. I guess I just feel depressed today. But there are a lot of good things and I need to focus on those. I just need reminding that he is improving every day and that’s something. Some kids don’t. He’s not on a ventilator anymore, and lots of kids are. He is eating and growing and that is good. And I guess God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, so at least someone thinks that I can do this.”
I guess I just wanted to share that to let you know that you are not alone and that it is ok and even healthy to let yourself have those feelings once in a while. I know that there is nothing that I (or anyone) can say to make you feel better, but I hope it helps to know that you have so many people praying for and pulling for your entire family. God Bless You!
Hey Jane
When Wren was in the NICU, surgery and recovery I hated it when people told me how impressed they were with how I was coping, or to “hang in there”. I knew that inside I wasn’t coping. What looks like coping is just breathing in and out. Its not like you can let go and say “well, I don’t think I will cope today. I will just collapse, run away, try a new hobby. Call me later.”
I am glad you are sharing how you feel and how serious Ramona’s outlook is. A while ago you posted that the odds of her growing arteries as needed are more than 10% and less than 90%. I am sure your many prayerful supporters gives you hope within that range but we get why you feel fear. Hey, I’ve never met you and I feel it too.
Even while everyone says Ramona is a miracle (and I am not doubting that) I expect that both of you feel unmiraculous much of the time. Withdrawing from drugs, growing bits of heart, loving someone who is hurt and grumpy and can’t talk in words is no party. Its hard work being a miracle and I am glad that so many prayers are from people asking god to take the worries from you as well as do his work.
Jane,
I prayerfully and humbly share this with you. Please, forgive my preaching tone which always seems to be there no matter what I do. I read your heart’s words every day and I literally race around the house grabbing for my bible, tears spilling as I hunt for the verses that flood my heart and mind. I have no other solace as I read of Ramona Mae and pray. Here goes. Nothing is really up to Ramona – and I know you know this – all of this. But I can never remind myself enough. God is the giver and taker of life. That makes it harrowing in those maddening moments – “so what will You do God? Why this, why that? What’s the purpose?” His Word is alive. O how I pray that I could truly wrap my mind and heart around the life-giving words of Jesus, our Messiah, who said, “This sickness will not end in death. I am the truth , the life and the way. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Today you will be with me in paradise. God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.”
He created Ramona Mae and entrusted her to you and Andy. And He said, it is good in Thy sight. I grab my head with my hands. Not man’s fallenness, or pride, disease and doubt, but life. Ramona Mae Deitrich and His divine purpose for her.
I cling to the hope we have in Christ and Paul’s words, “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
In the meantime, Jane, I see you go to the hospital and gaze into your daughters eyes, and I pray strength will pour as a spring within, your mind will calm like the seas, ice will fall like scales, and there will be light enough to see again. And your joy will be complete.
My sister in Christ, I love you, weep with you, break with you, pray with you, hope with you and believe with you – He is Lord of All.
Much love,
Jackie
*pat*….*squeeze*….*CURSE*….”chocolate?”…*find something to make fun of*…*sigh*…. *pat*….*hug*….*fetch things*…”more chocolate?*…*quieter curse*…*find something else to laugh about*…*listenlistenlisten*.
*breathe in real deep*…*breathe out real loud*
(these are all things I might do were I with you, cuz sometimes the words I want to share themselves fall so short)
lots of love