Simon had his very first birthday party today. Newsflash! He likes sugar.

Okay. So it’s tradition to give your baby cake on their first birthday. I’ve always sworn up and down that I would never pollute my child’s body like that. Yeah, right. I’ll put that on the growing list of things I said I’d never do and now don’t think twice about (like giving my baby Viagra and Methadone).

Did you ever know anybody in college who fed their dog beer? This was kind of like that. We all just kind of stood around waiting to see if he would like it, if he would start acting weird, if he would want more. Yes, yes and yes. It felt kinda naughty to be loading him up with sugar like that, but he really did have a good time.

Andy and I both cried a lot today. I think this milestone in our family made us both think about the stark difference between where we were hoping (and expecting) to be on this day and what our new reality is. Ramona spent most of the time in her room sleeping. This probably would have been the case even if she were healthy, but it still felt weird and sad. So we cried. When she woke up for her 3:00 feed, we set it up and let a few people at a time come in her room to visit her. That felt super weird and almost morbid. And we cried. So I tried to pick her up and bring her into the dining room while her pump was running. She promptly vomitted all over her pretty dress. More tears.

But Simon was not phased. He played with his new toys, had some dinner and went right to sleep. He’s such a super little dude. We love him to tiny pieces. Today’s pics are my two favorites from today. Of course we didn’t get that magical shot with the cake. Does anyone ever get that shot? But these show the before and after of his birthday experience. Brushing his teeth in his pj’s and then looking all grown up and cool in his birthday suit (not that birthday suit!).

Wish you all could have been there, Jane.

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