Ramona Mae

I often think of life as a rocky river bed to be crossed. The journey from one bank to the other is not a straight line and the complexities of the path can’t be taken in all at once. You simply have to look at the rocks around your feet and decide which one is your next best choice. There is no wrong way across if you decide this way. You may not be able to choose where you will come ashore, you may have to backtrack, you may get tired, but that’s life. The question that has been plaguing me is, “How do you decide which rock is next?”

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It’s probably a bad idea to post when you’re angry. This is one of those posts that should never be mailed.

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My girl’s got ’em.

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There was a stretch of a few years when Mother’s Day was complete torture for me.

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Some great news today. Ramona had an appointment with cardiology yesterday morning to be cleared for the G tube surgery. Here’s what happened…

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I yelled at the fence guy today. He is doing a very crappy job, I want it better and I’m not going to pay him until it’s right. That’s what I should have said. Instead I told him I was busy taking care of Ramona and Simon and didn’t have time to babysit him too.

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We weighed Ramona this morning, 15lbs 3oz, what a champ. She’s been working pretty hard these past days, sitting up with help, even trying to bear a little weight on her legs. She’s getting the hang of grasping a few select objects and is becoming a tube Houdini. I know I should be thrilled and optimistic. And I am hopeful, but today I’m still just really worried about her.

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Ramona had a speech therapy appointment this morning and it looks like things are going in the direction of having a G tube placed. This would be a tube placed directly into her stomach through her abdominal wall. It is usually an outpatient procedure.

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One of the pleasures of my childhood was walking in the woods in springtime. My mom knew all the names of everything and we made a ritual out of spotting each thing and remembering it’s name. The spring beauties, the solomon’s seal, both true and false, jack-in-the-pulpit, red trillium and the great white trillium, my favorite.

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I remember that when Ramona first got sick going to public places was confusing. I felt, especially surrounded by strangers, puzzled that the whole world hadn’t just stopped turning and seemed to be progressing pretty much unchanged. So although it was nice to get out and be “normal” for a while, I was always happy to return to my little cocoon where everyone was talking and thinking about Ramona.

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